A Season Of Hope

It's been just over 5 weeks since my surgery, and I am amazed at how great I feel. My front and back incisions are healed, with only the minor annoyance of itching (a sign of further healing and nerves working), I have completed my second, and last, fill appointment in my expander (which will be replaced by an implant during the next surgery), and I only have one more appointment scheduled during the next month with the plastic surgeon to finalize details. I am back to lifting and hugging my kids. I actually stopped taking pain medication of any kind only a couple weeks after, and other than sometimes waking up a little stiff and sore, things are pretty much normal.  I still have to limit how much I can carry for longer distances, and my range-of-motion in my shoulder isn't completely back, but it is almost there.

I also think I am the most prepared that I have ever been for the Christmas Season. Many of the presents I need to get have already been ordered or purchased...or I at least know what I am getting. My house is all decorated, except for finishing the tree with the kids this week. I even have our Christmas cards ordered, printed, and done, and ready for some to be labelled and mailed out in the next couple of days. How did I get everything done with everything I was dealing with? I planned ahead...I knew I would need to eliminate some things in order to relieve stress and heal. I put my sign-making business on hold during the busiest time of the year. I said "no" to all craft sales this season, and while I will miss the extra income, it was the right decision. Our family needed to get back to some kind of 'normal', and I wanted to be able to spend quality time with my kids, which meant focusing on recovery over the past month. I'm still making a few signs here and there, but I am determined to allow this next month to be fun and memorable for all of my family.

The season of Advent - one of my favourite times of the year - is a time of preparation, of anticipation, and of hope. It's not about being stressed about perfect decorations, presents, and going into financial debt. It's about celebrating the Advent of Christ - waiting in anticipation to celebrate that He came to earth for us. 

One of my huge pet peeves about Christmas  commercialism and  marketing is that it's almost impossible to get an Advent calendar that is actually celebrating the Advent of the Messiah. You want a play-doh, Spiderman or Elsa Advent calendar? Those are all readily available at every store. Don't get me wrong, those are all good fun and I like chocolate as much as the next person, but I really wanted to be able to teach my kids about Advent in a way that their almost 2 and 4 year old minds could understand. So, after scouring Pinterest, I decided to make a nativity scene where we could add one piece each day during the days of December leading up to Christmas (next year, I will probably adapt it to take place right at the very beginning of Advent, which started yesterday). I don't sew...at all...so it needed to be something I could just cut and glue together. I found a great pattern here: http://cutesycrafts.com/2010/12/nativity-advent.html , and just skipped the stitching around the edges of the pieces of felt. I also used some sticky velcro pieces on the back of each item so it can stay on the felt board more easily. For the felt board, I found a used bulletin board at the Habitat Restore for $2, and I used spray adhesive to cover it in felt (I tried flannel at first, but felt sticks much better).

I then wanted to find some Advent readings/lessons for little kids, so we could read a story each day, put the piece on the flannel board, and pray a short prayer. It starts with an empty stable and it ends with baby Jesus...and I want the anticipation and excitement to build as they add each new piece. It took me a while, but I found someone who had written readings for very young kids and had them available on their blog. You can find it here: https://partofthemain.wordpress.com/advent-readings-2011/ I had to adapt it some for the pieces I had already made, and also because my kids are very young, but I think it will work great. It also would work well if you already have an existing nativity toy set. I did have to combine some of my felt pieces I had made, and make an extra one of a dove (not pictured - but I just copied a simple clip art shape) to add to it to make it work, but I am really happy with the finished product, and the fact that it only cost me $12 to make. Plus, I have enough felt to make 'felt stories' for the girls to put in their stocking (search it on Pinterest...they really are a lot of fun!) Avon has a great Advent stocking garland that I purchased to put each story in (each little stocking is numbered 1-24), mostly because I didn't really have time or energy to make my own calendar. You can find my Advent readings here:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6zds0ybrc1vUlc5ZXdQZVJDdnc/view?usp=sharing

I am really looking forward to beginning the calendar tomorrow with the girls. I know there will be days where I am tired, or exhausted, and may not want to put energy in to focus on these kind of details, but it is important. It's important for me to find my own time to reflect in God's Word myself, too...teaching my kids by example.

Christmas always seems to take so much preparation, and then the celebrating seems to go by so fast. I know all too well that when you are faced with life-altering circumstances, what once seemed important to you pales in comparison to what really is. I have a lot of things I am anticipating in the next year - another surgery just a few months away, possible revision procedures, and the hope that the worst is behind me. Some of my dear friends are facing greater obstacles. Some of you are so stressed out this time of year, trying to keep up with everything, that you feel like you are drowning.

This year, I encourage you to slow down, prepare your hearts, anticipate with hope the coming of the Christ Child. Celebrate that He came, and anticipate with hope that He is coming again. As the Christmas carol 'Joy To The World' says - "Let every heart prepare Him room".

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning."

          Psalm 130:5-6

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

The Real Me

I have never shared a picture like this before.

This. This is what I actually look like on a daily basis. Most people I run into during my week have no idea of the disease I have been fighting. I wear a prosthesis every day, so my injury is invisible...except to me.  My prosthesis is really only a short-term solution. With my sensitive skin, a silicone prosthesis would be painful. Without any prosthesis, I experience back and shoulder pain, and with my long-term leg and back issues, it would cause many issues.

Many women suffer in silence. Many don't know their options. Many feel less than 'whole'. Many are embarrassed (especially if they have only had a mastectomy on one side). Many feel they have put their family through enough stress, without adding more surgeries and procedures on top of everything. Many don't want it to be viewed as vanity.

This is why I am sharing my picture. To make it real.

My value does not come from my looks. I am a Child of God - I am His, and I don't doubt that. But, if I walked around like this, I would be defined by my struggle.

Today is Breast Reconstruction Awareness (BRA Day). My surgery is in two days. THIS part of the journey is for me, and is the right choice. 

If you know someone dealing with the aftermath of mastectomy, tell them about www.bra-day.com and help them to be informed f their options.

I attended last year, and it helped me along my journey. 

Above all, pray for them, encourage them, support them, and let them know that they are worth it.

Here We Go Again

Sometimes I feel guilty abut having this surgery.

Today, while I was waiting for Jaleyn to come back from her walk at Preschool, I let the director know that I was having surgery in a few days, and that it may have an effect on Jaelyn's behaviour, as I won't be able to interact with her as much as I normally do for a while. As the words came out of my mouth, my heart sunk a little, and I held Luella a little tighter.

I have had two previous surgeries, which I had no choice but to have, and both of them resulted in me being unable to lift and hug my children for a period  time....and now I am about to do it again. But, this surgery is not one that is forced on me. I sometimes feel like I am choosing to be unable to care for my children for a time,  and that sometimes causes me to doubt my choice. 

But then I remember what I have been through, and how far God has brought me, and that this stage of my recovery - this surgery - was part of the initial plan. It's why I had a skin-sparing mastectomy in the first place...so that later, when I was ready, I could have reconstruction. This surgery is going to help me have better balance, and hopefully avoid further back injuries. This surgery will allow me to keep up with my kids without the worry of prosthesis issues. But that doesn't make this easy.

I don't have a fear about what is going to happen that keeps me awake at night. But that doesn't mean that I don't get scared. I don't like surgery, or hospitals, or needles...or the dentist, if we are going that far. I will probably be a lovely shade of pale when they wheel me into the OR...but I still trust God completely.

On that note, I need to Praise God that my MRI results came back as 'unchanged', meaning nothing suspicius or suspected. I will have anther MRI in one year just as a follow-up, but that part of my journey is over!!!  

Some of you may be wondering how my diet went - i was able to do the first two weeks of the 21 day fix, but then Jaelyn decided to share the germs she picked up at Preschool, and it has pretty much knocked me on my butt for the past month. I did, however, lose weight in the two weeks, and will definitely be trying it again once I get the green light for exercise after surgery. The best part of the 'diet' was that I wasn't hungry, and I could have a decent cup of coffee with coconut milk and Truvia.

I have lost about 25+ pounds since my surgery last summer, and have pretty much hit my initial target weight for this surgery. I know there is more to lose, and sometimes I don't really see a huge difference, but I thought I'd add a picture of then and now to compare.

Please keep me in your prayers as Friday comes closer - I am still getting over a sinus cold that just won't go away (I'm on antibiotics in case it was an infection), and I have been dealing with a pretty bad tension headache this past week (most likely from clenchng my teeth and jaw while waiting for MRI results) and it has affected my sleep, which in turn makes me feel sicker (that whole scratchy throat from no sleep thing). The surgery is a go unless I have an infection or fever, and I don't have signs of either, but I would still like to go into it feeling my best.

I go in this Friday, October 23 at 7:15AM and my surgery is scheduled for 9 AM. If you follow Darren and I on Facebook, he will post updates.

***Side Note: If you know someone who is facing breast reconstruction choices, I highly recmmend attending the BRA day events (Breast Reconstruction Awareness) tomorrow night at the Saint John Regional. If you are not from here, there should be events happening where you are. I attended it last year, and it helped me greatly. It's also where I met my plastic surgeon.

Thank you all again for your continued encouragement, prayers and support. It means so much to me and my family!