A Season Of Hope

It's been just over 5 weeks since my surgery, and I am amazed at how great I feel. My front and back incisions are healed, with only the minor annoyance of itching (a sign of further healing and nerves working), I have completed my second, and last, fill appointment in my expander (which will be replaced by an implant during the next surgery), and I only have one more appointment scheduled during the next month with the plastic surgeon to finalize details. I am back to lifting and hugging my kids. I actually stopped taking pain medication of any kind only a couple weeks after, and other than sometimes waking up a little stiff and sore, things are pretty much normal.  I still have to limit how much I can carry for longer distances, and my range-of-motion in my shoulder isn't completely back, but it is almost there.

I also think I am the most prepared that I have ever been for the Christmas Season. Many of the presents I need to get have already been ordered or purchased...or I at least know what I am getting. My house is all decorated, except for finishing the tree with the kids this week. I even have our Christmas cards ordered, printed, and done, and ready for some to be labelled and mailed out in the next couple of days. How did I get everything done with everything I was dealing with? I planned ahead...I knew I would need to eliminate some things in order to relieve stress and heal. I put my sign-making business on hold during the busiest time of the year. I said "no" to all craft sales this season, and while I will miss the extra income, it was the right decision. Our family needed to get back to some kind of 'normal', and I wanted to be able to spend quality time with my kids, which meant focusing on recovery over the past month. I'm still making a few signs here and there, but I am determined to allow this next month to be fun and memorable for all of my family.

The season of Advent - one of my favourite times of the year - is a time of preparation, of anticipation, and of hope. It's not about being stressed about perfect decorations, presents, and going into financial debt. It's about celebrating the Advent of Christ - waiting in anticipation to celebrate that He came to earth for us. 

One of my huge pet peeves about Christmas  commercialism and  marketing is that it's almost impossible to get an Advent calendar that is actually celebrating the Advent of the Messiah. You want a play-doh, Spiderman or Elsa Advent calendar? Those are all readily available at every store. Don't get me wrong, those are all good fun and I like chocolate as much as the next person, but I really wanted to be able to teach my kids about Advent in a way that their almost 2 and 4 year old minds could understand. So, after scouring Pinterest, I decided to make a nativity scene where we could add one piece each day during the days of December leading up to Christmas (next year, I will probably adapt it to take place right at the very beginning of Advent, which started yesterday). I don't sew...at all...so it needed to be something I could just cut and glue together. I found a great pattern here: http://cutesycrafts.com/2010/12/nativity-advent.html , and just skipped the stitching around the edges of the pieces of felt. I also used some sticky velcro pieces on the back of each item so it can stay on the felt board more easily. For the felt board, I found a used bulletin board at the Habitat Restore for $2, and I used spray adhesive to cover it in felt (I tried flannel at first, but felt sticks much better).

I then wanted to find some Advent readings/lessons for little kids, so we could read a story each day, put the piece on the flannel board, and pray a short prayer. It starts with an empty stable and it ends with baby Jesus...and I want the anticipation and excitement to build as they add each new piece. It took me a while, but I found someone who had written readings for very young kids and had them available on their blog. You can find it here: https://partofthemain.wordpress.com/advent-readings-2011/ I had to adapt it some for the pieces I had already made, and also because my kids are very young, but I think it will work great. It also would work well if you already have an existing nativity toy set. I did have to combine some of my felt pieces I had made, and make an extra one of a dove (not pictured - but I just copied a simple clip art shape) to add to it to make it work, but I am really happy with the finished product, and the fact that it only cost me $12 to make. Plus, I have enough felt to make 'felt stories' for the girls to put in their stocking (search it on Pinterest...they really are a lot of fun!) Avon has a great Advent stocking garland that I purchased to put each story in (each little stocking is numbered 1-24), mostly because I didn't really have time or energy to make my own calendar. You can find my Advent readings here:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6zds0ybrc1vUlc5ZXdQZVJDdnc/view?usp=sharing

I am really looking forward to beginning the calendar tomorrow with the girls. I know there will be days where I am tired, or exhausted, and may not want to put energy in to focus on these kind of details, but it is important. It's important for me to find my own time to reflect in God's Word myself, too...teaching my kids by example.

Christmas always seems to take so much preparation, and then the celebrating seems to go by so fast. I know all too well that when you are faced with life-altering circumstances, what once seemed important to you pales in comparison to what really is. I have a lot of things I am anticipating in the next year - another surgery just a few months away, possible revision procedures, and the hope that the worst is behind me. Some of my dear friends are facing greater obstacles. Some of you are so stressed out this time of year, trying to keep up with everything, that you feel like you are drowning.

This year, I encourage you to slow down, prepare your hearts, anticipate with hope the coming of the Christ Child. Celebrate that He came, and anticipate with hope that He is coming again. As the Christmas carol 'Joy To The World' says - "Let every heart prepare Him room".

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning."

          Psalm 130:5-6

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

Praising, Potty training, Preaching, & Planning

I know, it's been a while. I seem to say that a lot, but sometimes life takes over, and sometimes you need to just 'be' without telling everything to the world. But I'm back now, and excited to share what has been going on.

Two days after my 'complicated biopsy' on my right side, I met with my oncologist, and she gave me these wonderful words...again: "no cancer". Just fibrosis and fat cells, haha (never thought I'd be happy about fibrosis and fat, but I am). I am so thankful to God for these results, and for those who have been continually praying for me and my family! I didn't know how relieved I would be to hear that until I did. I had come to terms that I would be having surgery either way: reconstruction, or lumpectomy/mastectomy again...but having the knowledge that there are no signs of that disease lurking in me is a comfort. My surgeon scheduled me for another MRI in October just to follow up again, on the recommendation of the radiologist, because it isn't typical for fat and fibrosis to show up during MRI's with the dye they use (not abnormal, just not typical) so they want to be sure...again. At least I know I am well looked after my the medical field :) 

I've also been potty training my 3-year old, which has been an adventure in itself. It's mostly a battle of the wills, as she know how to 'go' on the potty...we just have to wear her down now, haha. We have good days and bad days with this, but we are definitely moving forward.

On Mother's Day, I had the opportunity to share with my church family what God has been teaching me throughout the past number of years. Rather than writing out the highlights on here, I'll just post the link for the podcast: http://rvwc.podbean.com (May 10th - "Living With Great Joy and Expectation". Have a listen if you want :)

Reconstruction is still a "go" for the end of this summer. I am just waiting to hear from the doctor after the first of July to set up our next consultation. You may be wondering how the weight loss is going. It's going slowly. Very. Slowly. I'm still juicing some, watching my calories, and trying to up my exercise. I've decided that to get more motivated about this, I need a scale that is actually accurate, so we are going to come into the new age of technology and upgrade to digital. Hopefully that will take the guesswork out of where I am at on this whole journey. There is still time, but I need to kick it up a notch (and perhaps cut back on ice cream, haha)

I've been kept super busy with my signs, which is the main reason I haven't been blogging lately. So many customer orders! I'll need to put a hold on taking orders soon, as I will be having some of my signs at Beulah Camp in the Storehouse this year, and I'm very excited about that! Darren and I have also been working on the house here and there, and will be posting pictures soon on here. I also have some fun decor projects I'm excited to share!

One of the things I'm most excited about coming up in the next couple months, is a getaway with my sister to Moncton for a few days. We'll have spa time, go shopping, watch movies and just relax...with no kids. I am soooo looking forward to that, especially with more surgery looming for me shortly after.

So that's what's been going on with me. The next few months are sure to be busy, but i have a feeling there's going to be some great things to write about :)

The Finished Halloween Costumes

Halloween - Challenge Accepted

Do your kids have their costumes yet? Do you? Do you know that it is only 3 days away? No need to panic, or feel depressed when comparing yourself to the Pinterest Moms.  I may not sew, but I do know that If you have paper, double-sided tape, and scissors, you can make almost anything :)

When I was growing up, my mom never bought me fancy costumes for Halloween. We simply made them with what we had around the house, and I loved it. Now, sometimes we would have to get some supplies like make-up or tin-foil, but for the most part it was extremely cheap or even free, or items bought were something we needed anyway. This was the Halloween challenge...what are you going to be, and how can you make it?

I've now made it my personal mission to do the same for my kids (and my husband and I). We did break with tradition last year and use a $3 M&M costume for Jaelyn from the dollar store, but when you can get costumes for that price I think it fits within the challenge.

This year, I looked in Jaleyn's closet and saw a pink dress with black polka dots, which looked like it would work for Minnie Mouse. I added black tights, a larger diaper cover that her sister won't miss, a shoelace for the tail, and sparkly shoes she already owns. I did have to buy a long sleeve black t-shirt for her arms (and it's actually a Batman one), but I'm going to put it on her inside out so she doesn't see and give it to her for Christmas. She also needed a new knit hat, so I had my friend who makes crochet hats make a minnie mouse one for her. Yes, it's spending money, but it is also something she needs and will use throughout the winter....making it still within my boundaries for the challenge. Cost: $7 for the shirt (which will be added to her Christmas presents...it's not made local or by a work at home mom, but unfortunately most kids clothes aren't) and the cost of the hat, which does support a work at home mom.

For Luella, I knew when I saw her red hair that she would be Strawberry Shortcake. She had a big fluffy white dress, and a pink apron-style dress already (reversed colours, but close enough). My sister and I found green and white striped socks at the dollar store, which I made into leggings, and a pink shower cap as well, which i stuck paper pictures of strawberries to with double sided tape. Add three green diamonds to the front of the apron, and voila! A decent costume. Cost: $3 for the socks, shower cap and strawberry muffin cups.

We are attending a party as a family, so I told my husband he should go as a hunter, since he is one. Cost: free

And Me? Well,  in honour of my husband's first deer that he shot yesterday, and to match his costume, I'm going as a deer. I used wire, electrical tape and construction paper to attach ears and antlers to a headband I already had, and used a brown shirt, paper and double-sided tape to make the body. Add a long-sleeve white shirt and brown pants I already own and it's done. Cost: free!

Oh, and the time to make all of these? About 1/2 hour. Pictures of our whole crew dressed up will be added later.

So, are you still struggling to find something? Look around your closets and house, see what you have and get inspired! And share your pictures with me :)

A New Appreciation

I'm facing a new season in my life now. My recovery has been going really well, and I have even joined a program at the YMCA for those who have undergone breast surgery that is supervised by my physiotherapist and breast-health nurse.  We have gotten back into the swing of working on home renovations and improvement. Luella is sleeping a bit better and we no longer need to swaddle her for naps or bedtime (yay!), and potty training Jaelyn is just around the corner. We are also eager to get more invovled in our church and community.

I have additionally realized that for the first time since we've been married (almost 16 years!) I am no longer a bi-vocational Pastor, in that I no longer hold a 'secular' job since I have resigned from my position at the store. I still haven't fully stepped into a 'Pastor' role at the church, either, since I have been recovering from surgery (but I'm sure that will come sooner rather than later...). I have, however, entered the realm of  'Work-at-home-Mom' and have started my own business, so to speak, making signs and decor out of up-cycled material. I have always loved painting and creating things, and I wanted to test the waters of doing this before my Maternity Leave is fully up. I will probably have to do something else as well to help supplement the income I have lost, but I have to say that I have been enjoying myself so much! The response from friends, family and the community has also been incredible :) if you'd like to check out my Facebook page, go here: Mug Half Full Deigns

I have also discovered that trying to start a business is hard work when you have two kids under three! I think through all of this, I have realized how important it is to support those Moms who stay at home with their kids, and who also run a business - whether it is something they make, or it is something they sell, or if it is a business they do out of their own homes.

I have come to the conclusion that, as much as possible, I want the presents that I personally get my girls for Birthdays and Christmas to be from Work-At-Home-Moms, from local small businesses, and even used items from Facebook groups or my favourite used store. My girls don't need the newest toys that are out there,  and I want them to grow up without a sense of entitlement, and with an attitude of Thanksgiving. I believe that this is a good first step. It also helps to support those Moms who are working so hard. I also know how hard moms work who have out of the home jobs, and how saving money is important. Over the next weeks I'll be posting about some of my used findings, and some of the businesses I love to support...maybe it will inspire others to do the same :)

Here are some pics from my first craft sale:

A Matter Of Life And Death

There are some words that a woman never wants to hear:  That she has gained weight, that she has missed a sale, or when her toddler is yelling “NO!” to her as she runs away.  Some words we fear, such as “I don’t love you”.  Some words terrify us…these are the words I had to face a few weeks ago when my Dr. was examining a lump I found while doing a self-examination.  Her words almost seemed to be in slow-motion as she told me “I would like to schedule a diagnostic scan for you and consult a surgeon.”  As much as I was trying to force myself to be brave and strong, and to be positive, I could feel fear digging it’s claws into my spirit as my thoughts raced through all the possibilities that could lie in front of me.

But before I continue with that, let’s back up a number of months…

I haven’t been blogging very much over the past while, and it probably looked like I fell off the map.   I know that, just like everyone else, I have had a lot going on.  This is a rather long post, and I've started it a number of times without finishing, but I am happy to say that I am finally to the place where I feel I can write again. For those of you who have been waiting, this is my birth story…and the after story.  

My pregnancy with my second child was pretty typical and textbook…textbook meaning I pretty much got every pregnancy symptom that you could read about in the textbook.  I had nausea, fatigue, sore joints, weight gain (50 pounds!), separating pelvic bone (which was very painful), heartburn, insomnia…you name it, I had it.  I didn’t, however, have any complications whatsoever  - and at 37, that was a blessing! My first child, Jaelyn, was born three weeks early with a fairly typical delivery.  I was expecting much the same with this one,  but Luella had other plans.  At around 37 weeks, my doctors referred me to a specialist due to the predicted size of the baby.  I was measuring a couple weeks ahead, and they wanted to make sure the baby wasn’t getting too big.  My husband was a 10 pound baby, so I knew a large baby was always a possibility.  I went to the appointment, and they suggested that if I didn’t go into labour on my own, that we should induce in the 39^th week.  I was induced with my first pregnancy after my water broke, and I strongly felt that being induced actually prolonged the labour longer than it needed to be. But,  I also had no desire to deliver an 11 pound baby, so we compromised and chose to induce just 3 days before my due date.  I fully expected to have the baby sooner than that, so I didn’t think much of it. My baby, however, didn’t seem to want to come out. I grew increasingly uncomfortable, and was in a lot of pain just trying to function in my day-to-day work as well as look after my toddler. And, well, I was huge.  As the days seemed to drag on, I sometimes felt like I couldn’t do it anymore…but I did.  I just kept telling myself that all I had to do was just make it to and through the delivery, and that would be the worst of it.

On the morning of Friday, January 3^rd, I went in for my scheduled induction with the full expectation that it would take less time than with my first, as second deliveries often go.  I was dialated to 3 cm when I went in, and I was also Group B strep positive (which is very common).  They hooked me up to pitocin, they broke my water (there was meconium in the water) and I very quickly went from a 3 to a 6…and that’s where I stayed.  She seemed to be curled up in a ball on my left side, hanging on for dear life…this baby did not want to come out!  They put my petocin at full strength…nothing.  They tried me in different positions to move the baby, and then they even doubled the pitocin…still nothing.  I had already received my epidural when the contractions were getting painful (around 4-5 cm), and that proved to be a wise decision considering the duration of the induction.

After 12 hours, the doctor decided to get the specialist on call to come in and discuss my ‘options’.  I knew what this meant – a C-section.  I was completely terrified to have surgery, and didn’t plan for it at all.  However, with the stress to the baby, the meconium in the water, and being strep B positive, we knew it was the right choice. Within 30 minutes I was prepped and strapped down to the table.  At that point with the epidural and other medications in my system, I was shaking uncontrollably. I was recovering from a head cold as well, so lying on my back made breathing through my nose impossible.  I had to breathe through my mouth, and with the dry hospital air my mouth felt like cotton.  Throughout all of this, Darren was an amazing support, with encouragement and loving, kind words.  All he could do now was sit by me and hold my head so my teeth would stop chattering.  The C-section went perfectly, and Luella Marie was born at 9:24 pm, weighing 9 pounds, 12 ounces.  I was so relieved to have the surgery over with and hear her cry, it was really hard to focus my eyes on her. She was perfectly healthy, and not even the slightest sign of a ‘cone head’…after 12 hours of labour, she didn’t even try to come out! I was taken to my room and the recovery began.

Ah, yes…the recovery.  We had planned on a couple days to a week for recovery, but we weren’t thinking about a C-section.  Six week recovery time.  SIX WEEKS?!?! What on earth were we going to do for six weeks where I wouldn’t be allowed to lift more than the weight of my baby?  We had just moved to a new area, and my husband works for himself, so he couldn’t get time off.  So I did what anyone else would do, and called my Mom who lives in Halifax, and she agreed to come up and stay at my sister’s, and help me out 4 days a week.  Darren’s parents would help out the other day. I stayed in the hospital from Friday night to Tuesday and was released.  Baby and Mamma were doing great, and my incision was healing ‘perfectly’.  I was in pain, but nothing out of the ordinary for a C-section, however I was experiencing a huge amount of swelling in my feet and legs.  I was scheduled to get my staples out on Wednesday.

Wednesday was a day I won’t soon forget.  Routine visit with Lactation Consultant and removal of staples, right? Wrong.  I had noticed my incision bothering me a bit the night before, but figured it was just due to the metal staples irritating my skin.  But when my staples were removed and the nurses stood me up, my incision burst open and I ‘gushed’ all over my clothes and the floor.  They immediately laid me back down and called for my Doctor who had done the surgery.  I apparently had developed a hematoma (bleeding  under the incision).  I was taken to a small room where they patched me back up, and sent me home in a pair of scrubs with the knowledge that I would now need Extra Mural visits every day from Nurses who would change the dressing on my incision until it healed.  That took a lot longer than six weeks.  Thankfully, my mother was able to help me an extra two weeks, and Darren’s parents came and helped out an extra week.   As if that wasn’t enough, at the beginning of February I also developed a bad case of Mastitis, and needed to go on antibiotics to clear it up, which ended my breastfeeding attempts.  On the positive side, at least now I could get sleep, as Darren starting giving the baby a bottle before bedtime and I could go to bed earlier. The days went by, as I slowly began healing.

When March came around, I decided I was going to attempt it on my own: being alone for the first time with both my girls, while still healing.  Lifting Jaelyn was hard, but if I did it careful enough, I found that I could deal with changing her diaper and getting her in and out of the high chair.  Luella was a very good baby, so I didn’t have much problem taking care of her.  I had finally reached ‘the point’ where I felt I could handle everything on my own.  I got this. It’s all good now…my life can begin again.

Flash forward to April. My incision is still in the extremely slow process of healing, and I had to make an appointment with my Doctor because the hardness from the Mastitis had not gone away, there was a discharge from that side, and there was a lump.  Really God? On top of all the other things, now I have this to deal with?  Breast cancer runs in my family – my Mom’s sister died from it at age 42.  I just turned 37, so it was a very real fear.  My doctor referred me for a diagnostic scan and an appointment with a breast surgeon…nothing to worry about until they give you something to worry about, right? Right. I left the appointment and started driving home. By the time I reached my back door, I was in tears. After EVERYTHING I had been going through…the surgery, the lack of sleep, the pain, the feeling that I was ‘wasting’ my Maternity leave…and now I might have cancer? I tried to be strong…but I was trying in my own strength, and I just didn’t have any. I struggled for a few days while waiting to go in for my appointment, and I broke down a number of times.  I was afraid, and despite having an awesome husband who helped out any way he could,  a church family who loved on me, and fellow pastors who lifted me up in prayer, I felt alone. 

But then a few nights later, as I was reading a devotional and praying (crying out to God), these words jumped out on the page to me – “Do you trust Me?” 

“ Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight orunderstanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 Amplified Bible (AMP)

And I stopped reading right there.

Do…you…trust…Me?

Of course in my Ministry and life I have read these words (and even blogged on these exact verses) and trusted in God before, but as of right then it was as if a breath of fresh air just filled my spirit. He had brought me through an uncomfortable and painful pregnancy, a labour and delivery that did NOT go according to my plan, and is currently bringing me through a long recovery process I never thought I would ever face. And now I am brought full-circle: from bringing a new life into the world to now facing my own mortality. God would bring me through this and be by my side…no matter what the outcome.

I am so grateful to be able to say that my scan came back clear, and the surgeon does not believe it to be anything serious…just a cyst causing some blockage.  I felt instant relief, and suddenly my circumstances I was facing before didn't seem so difficult. Perspective is great, isn't it?

And now we come to today.  I am still ‘recovering’ from my c-section complication (yes, it is now coming up to four months), and am technically still on restrictions on lifting and activity. The doctors and Extra Mural nurses don’t know why it is taking so long, but the wound is clean and it IS healing….just very, very slowly, and I am now scheduled to meet with the wound care nurse specialist at the hospital. I have another follow-up scan for the cyst next week, and a further appointment later in the summer just to keep an eye on things as well. 

It has been a crazy four months, and I definitely can’t say I’d like to experience them all over again. I honestly don't know how long it will be until I am fully healed and recovered, and I am surprisingly ok with that. God has given me two beautiful little girls and a husband who loves me, and I know that no matter what I face, I am not alone, and that gives me peace that surpasses even my understanding of recent events. The days that lie ahead in this city and church God has called us to are exciting, and I am so grateful that I get to be a part of it.

So, here is the question for you - for whatever you are going through. Do you trust Him?

As Darren would say, I dare you to try :)

***Post update: the follow-up exam showed some cause for concern, and the doctor decided to do a mammogram and biopsy that day just in case. The result was that they found early stage, or non-invasive cancer - DCIS to be exact. Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.

Budget Friendly Activities For Baby - "Treasure Baskets"

I was scrolling through Pinterest this morning (as I usually do), and I came across a Pin that described having sensory activities for your baby.  I love the idea of having learning activities for my daughter, but frankly I don't have the money or time to set them up....so I thought.  When I clicked on the link to the site, my mind was blown by all the activities I could have for my daughter and her developing brain, all for free!  Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge the site: http://www.theimaginationtree.com/2010/10/heuristic-play-treasure-baskets.html and encourage all mothers (and moms to be) to check it out.

After flipping through different pages on the site, I came across an idea for a baby 'Treasure Box'.  Basically, you find things around the house and put it in a basket.  You then give it to baby and let her discover things for herself.  Now, usually Jaelyn will play with a toy that I give her, and when she's done she'll throw it, or become distracted by something else.  I was a bit skeptical that this idea would work, but I went ahead and decided to give it my best shot.  While my husband was feeding her breakfast, I found a basket and decided to 'hunt' for things in my house to put in it - things that make noise, she could chew on, etc.  We still hadn't unpacked everything from the move, so I wasn't sure I could find enough (again...wrong).  Here's what I included:
-small wooden cutting board
-small metal whisk
-a milk storage bottle filled  halfway with rice
-a plastic bag clip
-teething ring
-a baby friendly mommy bracelet
-a small plastic toy milk carton
-a baby fork with a round handle
-a spoon
-a small crinkly toy
- a plastic frog toy
-a small ring toy with different textured leaves
-and last but not least, we had a stroller toy (that never really worked for Jaleyn, and always got in the way of the infant carseat handle).  I cut off the two hanging toys, and put those and the plush elephant part in the basket.

Some of these items were part of toys, or toys that I didn't really know what to do with, but found a new use in the basket.

I turned off the TV, and moved all of her other toys somewhere else, and gave her the basket, and I watched her (the site suggested only interacting with your baby when she/he invites you to).  I watched her pull out an object, play with it and set it to the side.  She would then pull out another object, and sometimes go back to the first ones - but she would always concentrate on each one and try to figure out it's use.  By the end of it, she had the whole basket dumped upside down, but she was totally enthralled with it all.

She would occasionally look up at my husband and I with glee (I would never leave her alone with the basket...not all items are completely baby safe) as she found a use for each item (chewing, banging, flipping around in her hand).  Not once did she get upset and cry out for our attention.  She was stimulated and she was learning.  I didn't even plan enough time for her to play with it - after a half hour it was time for lunch, and I packed it up and placed it out of sight in the kitchen until it is time for her to experience the treasures again.

I challenge you to try it with your own baby.  Change out the 'treasures' frequently.  I plan on having a couple separate 'treasure baskets' - ones that make noise, ones with textures, etc.  It didn't take a lot of time, and it cost absolutely nothing to do....but so much more rewarding than always plunking your baby down with her usual toys, with music or TV on in the background.

On a totally separate but not unrelated note, I now have a board on Pinterest labelled "Pins I've Actually Done" (as well as a new label on this blog), and I'm determined to implement at least one Pin a week that I have run across.  Stay tuned for the reviews :)

On Becoming Parents

This is a note that I wrote on Facebook last summer (June 2011), and since I now have a blog I thought I'd share it here. It's been interesting for me to look back and reflect on it now that Jaelyn is 8 months old:

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while, even though I never really write notes, I don’t have a blog...and I never journal.  I knew when we posted that we were ‘expecting’ in December, that there would be a floodgate of replies back.  No one expected us to have kids.  Everyone thought that we didn’t want them.  Truth be told, if you had asked us anytime during the first 12 ½ years of our marriage, we would have give the flat answer of “we don’t want kids until we want kids...and we’re ok if that doesn’t happen”.   Now, what most people heard out of that was “we don’t want kids”, and that was ok with us.  A few close friends over the years have asked us if the reason why we didn’t have kids was because we couldn’t – but that wasn’t the case (at least we didn’t think it was.  We weren’t trying for kids, so we didn’t know).  I even had a conversation with a good friend at New Years about us not having kids, and we weren’t planning on having any at that time.  We didn’t want kids just for the sake of having them.  We wanted to have the desire for kids before we added them to our family.  It wasn’t that we were selfish.  Since we’ve been married, Darren & I have both worked 2 full-time jobs – one at the church, and one in the ‘real world’.  That’s just how we function – we don’t know any different. We didn’t want to add kids to the mix just for fun, cuz well, it would make our life crazy.  We didn't think we were meant to be parents. 

 Then at the end of January I started thinking about having kids – out of the blue.  It kind of scared me.  I knew Darren would have to be on board with it, but I didn’t really want to bring up the subject.  The subject of children isn’t  ‘taboo’ in our house by any means, we just knew where the other person was at  when it came to kids.  We were both on the same page.  So I prayed about it – I asked God that if this is what we were meant to do, that the conversation would come up easily with Darren.   The next week one evening, Darren looked at me while we were sitting in the living room and asked “Did you want to have kids?”.  I was a little shocked.  I answered “why, do you?”.   He said he wouldn’t mind (...or something to that effect...you know Darren)...and we talked and prayed about it, and left it with God to lead.  The very next Sunday, our very small church plant went from having only one baby, who occasionally came, to having four babies and a toddler.  Talk about confirmation to us...we went home and had a good laugh about it.

  Ask God, and trust His leading - this is how Darren and I have tried to function since we’ve been married.  We didn’t pass out resumes when we graduated college...we just prayed, and followed God’s leading.  That’s how we were led to Newfoundland, how we find our ‘paying’ work in the real world, and how we bought a house.  It’s not easy by any means, but it’s definitely an exciting adventure.

 So we decided to try for kids.  Now...I’m turning 35 this year, so we’re no spring chickens.  We didn’t know if we COULD have kids.  But we felt strongly that this is what we were meant to do.  2 ½ months later we were expecting.  This didn’t really surprise us, because at this point in our lives we thought – why would God give us the desire NOW for kids, if we couldn’t have them.  We are very excited...it still feels very surreal to me.

 Here is where I’d like to add a side note - I have many very good friends who can’t have children, or are having troubles conceiving.  I hope that our journey from “not having kids” to “expecting and it happened in 2 months” doesn’t upset them.  My thoughts and prayers are with them often, and I don’t want them to be discouraged. 

 On the flip side, this is also a very hard time for me.  I don’t   live anywhere near my family – I usually only get to see them once a year.  Most of my friends from college who have kids...had them, well, a long time ago.  I didn’t live near any of them (except for a few) when they were expecting. I didn’t know what to expect, myself. And, the first few months of my pregnancy were not easy.  Sometimes I feel alone.  I post things on Facebook like the baby ticker, and Dr.s updates to keep my friends and family who live far away in the loop, because I can’t see them.

However, God has brought some awesome people into our lives through the church He called us to start here in Newfoundland.   They are dear friends to me, and many are people I am going to go to for advice about parenting because of the great example they have set with their own kids.

I know when I visit the main land we’re going to get a lot of questions...a lot of “you said you were never having kids” (which we have NEVER said...we just said we didn’t want them until we wanted them), and many people thinking this was an accident.  This was definitely planned, and we’re excited, scared and hopeful all at the same time.  This is going to be an adventure for us all.