I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while, even though I never really write notes, I don’t have a blog...and I never journal. I knew when we posted that we were ‘expecting’ in December, that there would be a floodgate of replies back. No one expected us to have kids. Everyone thought that we didn’t want them. Truth be told, if you had asked us anytime during the first 12 ½ years of our marriage, we would have give the flat answer of “we don’t want kids until we want kids...and we’re ok if that doesn’t happen”. Now, what most people heard out of that was “we don’t want kids”, and that was ok with us. A few close friends over the years have asked us if the reason why we didn’t have kids was because we couldn’t – but that wasn’t the case (at least we didn’t think it was. We weren’t trying for kids, so we didn’t know). I even had a conversation with a good friend at New Years about us not having kids, and we weren’t planning on having any at that time. We didn’t want kids just for the sake of having them. We wanted to have the desire for kids before we added them to our family. It wasn’t that we were selfish. Since we’ve been married, Darren & I have both worked 2 full-time jobs – one at the church, and one in the ‘real world’. That’s just how we function – we don’t know any different. We didn’t want to add kids to the mix just for fun, cuz well, it would make our life crazy. We didn't think we were meant to be parents.
Then at the end of January I started thinking about having kids – out of the blue. It kind of scared me. I knew Darren would have to be on board with it, but I didn’t really want to bring up the subject. The subject of children isn’t ‘taboo’ in our house by any means, we just knew where the other person was at when it came to kids. We were both on the same page. So I prayed about it – I asked God that if this is what we were meant to do, that the conversation would come up easily with Darren. The next week one evening, Darren looked at me while we were sitting in the living room and asked “Did you want to have kids?”. I was a little shocked. I answered “why, do you?”. He said he wouldn’t mind (...or something to that effect...you know Darren)...and we talked and prayed about it, and left it with God to lead. The very next Sunday, our very small church plant went from having only one baby, who occasionally came, to having four babies and a toddler. Talk about confirmation to us...we went home and had a good laugh about it.
Ask God, and trust His leading - this is how Darren and I have tried to function since we’ve been married. We didn’t pass out resumes when we graduated college...we just prayed, and followed God’s leading. That’s how we were led to Newfoundland, how we find our ‘paying’ work in the real world, and how we bought a house. It’s not easy by any means, but it’s definitely an exciting adventure.
So we decided to try for kids. Now...I’m turning 35 this year, so we’re no spring chickens. We didn’t know if we COULD have kids. But we felt strongly that this is what we were meant to do. 2 ½ months later we were expecting. This didn’t really surprise us, because at this point in our lives we thought – why would God give us the desire NOW for kids, if we couldn’t have them. We are very excited...it still feels very surreal to me.
Here is where I’d like to add a side note - I have many very good friends who can’t have children, or are having troubles conceiving. I hope that our journey from “not having kids” to “expecting and it happened in 2 months” doesn’t upset them. My thoughts and prayers are with them often, and I don’t want them to be discouraged.
On the flip side, this is also a very hard time for me. I don’t live anywhere near my family – I usually only get to see them once a year. Most of my friends from college who have kids...had them, well, a long time ago. I didn’t live near any of them (except for a few) when they were expecting. I didn’t know what to expect, myself. And, the first few months of my pregnancy were not easy. Sometimes I feel alone. I post things on Facebook like the baby ticker, and Dr.s updates to keep my friends and family who live far away in the loop, because I can’t see them.
However, God has brought some awesome people into our lives through the church He called us to start here in Newfoundland. They are dear friends to me, and many are people I am going to go to for advice about parenting because of the great example they have set with their own kids.
I know when I visit the main land we’re going to get a lot of questions...a lot of “you said you were never having kids” (which we have NEVER said...we just said we didn’t want them until we wanted them), and many people thinking this was an accident. This was definitely planned, and we’re excited, scared and hopeful all at the same time. This is going to be an adventure for us all.
No comments:
Post a Comment