Waiting

I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting for results that could be bad. In these times, my life seems to come to a halt. This year has definitely been a journey for us, and God has shown Himself to be faithful through all of it, yet I still hate to wait. I don't want to do anything until I know the next steps.  I feel like that's what I was doing until I could just get through my second MRI. I would tell myself that once that scan was over with, then I could move on, and do things. I would really get into gear with my exercises. I would do more with renos around the house. I would plan more activities with the kids. I would spend more quality time with my husband.

But the scan didn't really give answers, and if anything, it brought more questions. More tests are needed to see if these 'spots' they are tracking on my right side are anything serious. More poking and prodding, and possible biopsies...and I am forced to wait longer. 

A funny thing happens when you decide to do NOTHING but wait. You start to worry. That worry, then leads to fear. I think fear and worry cause more damage than any illness or circumstance you are going through. They rob you of your time, and your joy. They blind you from seeing what is happening RIGHT NOW. You become occupied with "what-ifs".

We had planned to go out to eat as a family and celebrate if/when I received good news. As I met with my doctor, heard his words, and then went out into the hallway - I saw my kids faces. They're young and don't have any concept of what is really going on. They're just excited to be at the hospital (a new place for them), to see new people, and to eat a whole donut for the first time. I knew then that I didn't want to wait anymore, and I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity given to me. So...we went out to eat and celebrated as a family anyway, even in the not knowing. 

So many times in my life I have been 'waiting', and I have allowed my own thoughts to almost paralyze me, where I don't do anything. I let things pile up around me because if I can just get through this next 'thing' then I will be free to do everything else. But, when I wait in worry and fear, I miss the now. I miss the opportunities. I miss the joy. And it says "I don't trust you" to God. Waiting makes us stagnant. Complacent. 

What do you do instead of worrying? You hope. 

Instead of fear? You trust.

He wants to give us His peace, but we need to release our worries and fears to Him in order to receive it. 

These are some promises that I have been reflecting on. I hope they bring some comfort to someone else who is 'waiting':

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works." - Hebrews 10:22-24

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." - Ephesians 3:16-19

Yes, we need to wait on Him for His provision and direction, but that doesn't mean we do nothing. Continue on with what you already know He has called you to do. Pastor Dave said on Sunday - if you are waiting on Gods direction, but haven't heard anything specific yet, then go find somebody and love on them. You already know He has called you to do that. 

Pour your life into someone. Take advantage of the moments with your family. Spend time in His Word and listening to His voice. Your circumstances may be out of your control, but what you do with your time is not.

Carpe diem.

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." - Leo Buscaglia