Living With Great Expectation

As some of you know, about a week and a half ago I received the call from my doctor telling me that I had pre-invasive breast cancer. It definitely has been a whirlwind of emotions for a few days following the news, but God has quickly planted our feet and faith in His Word, His Presence and His promises. When people ask me how we are doing, I answer with "I am ok"...and even, "I am doing well". Shocking, I know. The mere thought of the dreaded "C" word even a few months ago when they initially did some scans sent my stomach into somersaults. But now I can honestly say we are experiencing God's peace that surpasses all understanding.

The day before I received the call about my diagnosis was an incredible day at Beulah Camp, where the presence of God was evident. I had gone forward after the service, and of course I had cried out to God about my potential biopsy results...but  the real passion of my heart? It was that no matter what, Jesus would be glorified and people would come to know Him. After the service, someone came up to me and told me that God had given them a word for me:

"Let there be joy in it". That's it. They didn't know what it meant, they just knew they were supposed to tell me.  As I listened to the doctor give me the news the following day, and my emotions ran the gauntlet of understanding, to fear, to panic...and finally resting in the Almighty's arms of peace, those words resonated again with me. Let there be joy in it.

Throughout the following days, I wanted to immerse myself in the Word, and my husband suggested that I read the book of 1 Peter. These are the words I felt God speak to me:

1 Peter 1:3-7 

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see. So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 

When people ask me how I'm doing, I don't want to answer "as good as can be expected", because that gives a negative connotation...one without much hope or joy. While we may not know the exact journey or outcome of my diagnosis, we know Who holds our future. I am not living in denial...this is my reality. Christ is my reality, and He gives me strength. We serve a God who can heal, and also a God who can carry us through "trials".

Tomorrow I have my MRI appointment, which will hopefully give the doctors more information - right now, I have what is classified as DCIS - ductal carcinoma in situ - Pre-cancerous cells which are confined to the milk ducts, which need to be removed to make sure there is nothing worse hiding. After my MRI, I then meet with the surgeon (who will set my surgery date), and physiotherapists and the breast health nurse (for recovery info) next week.  

If that wasn't enough to deal with, on top of all of this, Darren and I are also in the middle of trying to purchase a house close to Darren's parents in Grand Bay, and our conditions and finances need to come together this week. Also, God has been blessing Darren's business/franchise, and has been leading us to different avenues of expansion through territory and hiring additional employees, so Darren is in the middle of planning and training.

One other thought: I had been waiting to get family photos done until after I had lost the extra 30 pounds of baby weight (from the 50 I had gained). The Extra Mural Nurse had only given me the O.K. to begin exercise just a few short weeks ago. With the upcoming surgery, I knew that it would be quite some time before all that baby weight was gone. If we waited, we would miss capturing this precious time in the life of our family. I am so grateful that the Spirit whispers to me daily that my worth is not in my weight or my appearance. It is sometimes a struggle when I look in the mirror and get ready for the day...I look different, and I will never look the same as before. This past weekend our dear friend Lynnette, who has gone through quite a journey herself, was able to take our pictures - I have only seen some sneak peaks, but they are beautiful!

We are so grateful for all of your prayers for everything. Yes, these are stressful times, but there is also much joy to be had. Thank you my friends for all of your continued prayers, support and encouragement! And if you are wondering, yes, we are sleeping at night...well, as best you can with a 6 month old and 2 1/2 year old!

"Now we live with great expectation...even though you must endure many trials...there is wonderful joy ahead."